hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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