I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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