I wanna passion pit in your ass
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
