i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
