ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
