his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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