I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
