nut hugger
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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