I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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