P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
