if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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