wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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