Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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