i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
