that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize