Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
