So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
