my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
