I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
