Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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