her vagine was all disorganized.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
