He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
