its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
