My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
