I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
