You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't deserve a penis
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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