i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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