end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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