her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
