My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is my gift to your gina
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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