She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I know her cup size but not her name....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
