Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
