Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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