Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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