Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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