Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
