Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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