hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
