that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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