i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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