my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
