I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
