i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
