brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
never play flip cup with pint glasses
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
