Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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