my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
