I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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