I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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