Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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