i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
