is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
