okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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