Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
