Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
