Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
