Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
