Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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