I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
porn star boner night. come get it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
