you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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