Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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