i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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