Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
