Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
