im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
