I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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