Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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