Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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