U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
