Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Small penises have feelings too.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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