I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
