I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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