JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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