He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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