It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
